A new year’s resolution is like a software upgrade

Many of us make resolutions at new year, intending to improve our lives in one way or another. Yet, according to Forbes, people stick to their resolutions on average between just 3 and 4 months (based on surveying people in the US).  How can we turn an intention into a lasting change?

As Dr Feldenkrais famously pointed out, we act according to our self-image. Self-image is simply the way we see our self - the mental picture we have of our self, formed throughout our life by our experiences. This mental picture determines our range of choices in action, movement and behaviour. (Self-image is not the same as self-esteem. Self-esteem implies some judgement or comparison with others.)

Since we act according to our self-image, it follows that to change an aspect of behaviour, we need to change our self-image. The changed self-image will result in changed behaviour.  

Example: If I want to spend less time on social media, I need to learn to see myself as the kind of person that doesn’t use social media much. Otherwise, I will continue to have the self-image of a person who uses social media a lot, and as soon as I cease to put conscious effort into my resolution I will fall back into my old pattern. If I can learn to see myself as a person who doesn’t use social media, it will be no effort to cut down my social media use, since low social media use will be in accordance with my self-image.

A prerequisite for change is that we must see our self as a person that is able to change. If our self-image is of a person who is set in their ways, then we need to address that first. The ability to change is universal in humans, stemming from the neuroplasticity of our brain and central nervous system, and continues throughout life.

A useful analogy is the computer. From time to time we want to upgrade our computer software to obtain new features. The ability to install a software upgrade is a prerequisite. As long as that ability exists, we can install whatever upgrade we want.

What can we do to create lasting change? There are many possible techniques. They have certain aspects in common:

• Get in the habit of experiencing and noticing change in your self. For example, learn a new skill and be aware of your progress. Even if the skill you learn is unrelated to your new year’s resolution, the experience of change in your self carries over to everything you do. To use the computer analogy: by frequently installing software upgrades, we get better at the process of installing upgrades and it happens smoothly, without glitches. Conversely, if we hardly ever install a software upgrade, we may not remember how to do it and may give up because we don’t know the process.

• Treat change as a playful exploration of possibilities. For example, if my aim is to reduce my social media use, I might ask myself does my overall social media use go up or down if I introduce device-free days? Does it go up or down if I limit daily screen time? Or if I limit myself to specific places where I make use of social media? A sense of curiosity is important, rather than imposing a particular method on myself (for example, a daily limit on screen time) without knowing what its effect will be. And it helps to try out small variations (one device free day per week? Or two? Or six?) until you really know how it feels. If at any point what you are doing feels like a strain, stop, take a break, come back with a different approach. Lasting change is unlikely if it introduces effort into daily life.

What I have described above is actually the process babies use to learn movement. There is plenty of trial and error, curiosity about themself, and no specific aim in mind. Little by little they acquire sufficient capability to be able to walk and run, even though the process is exploratory, gradual and unstructured. This process is also what we practice in the Feldenkrais Method, extending our ease and range in movement and at the same time getting in the habit of ‘installing software upgrades’.

How do you approach your new year’s resolutions? Please leave a comment.